Do Better Quality Guys Really Approach You With Natural Hair? The One That Got Away..Sorta

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I always thought the definition of “the one that got away” was solely directed to being unappreciative of a man or woman you were once in a relationship with. I didn’t think I had one of those. In fact, I believed if that was the case, I was the “one that got away” in my relationships.

However after reading an article, I realized “the one that got away” could be a simple crush that seemingly had all of the qualities you were looking for, but you weren’t mentally/emotionally ready.

Here’s my “one that got away” story..

 

After the third time I finally gave him my number.

It was early 2011 or maybe the end of 2010 (I don’t remember specifically), but I worked part-time at Target as a cashier.

Around that time I was not the happiest with my love life nor the financial portion of school.

I was an out of state student, who had been constantly trying to get in-state tuition, and got denied repeatedly, so I was considering transferring schools.

On top of that my ex (my first) was having a baby in the next few weeks or months (as I said I don’t remember dates specifically),and I didn’t know how to cope with my first heartbreak ever.

At the time you could have presented me with the finest guy to attempt to get me to get over the situation, but I would have still been depressed.

I had recently also gotten my natural hair “big chop”, and some days I didn’t feel very confident wearing my short curly fro after years of wearing straight hair past my shoulders.

Guys tried to get my number at the cash register often, but my famous line was ” I have a boyfriend, sorry :(” . I used to say that so much, I started to believe my own lie.

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I think it was a Saturday morning the first time he came to my register to check out. I had the top half of my short curly fro pinned back, and the back out.

I had worked an 8hr shift the day before until closing, and I didn’t really want to be there that morning, so I said, “Hi, how are you?” without looking up.

He answered bk, I rang up his item and handed him his bag (still not looking at him directly). He said thanks, walked past the side of my register and said “You are extremely attractive by the way. Can I call you sometime?”

I automatically said ” I have a boyfriend, sorry :(”

I wanted to slap myself. He was fine as ever. Why did I say that. It slipped out! *Face palm*

I had to remain unbothered because I had other customers waiting in line, although I wanted to kick myself.

I went home and told my roommate and she wanted to kick me too lol. We agreed that I probably would never see him again, so there was no use in beating myself up over it.

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It was a rainy evening. A guy in a navy colored suit came up the escalators. Omg, is that him? I think it’s him. I fixed my hair, checked myself out in the silver table scale attached to the register belt, blushed and said hi when he passed by.

The whole time I was hoping he would come to my register to check out.

I saw him walking towards the registers with his item. He always only came in Target for 1 item. I assumed he lived nearby.

He came to my line and I smiled. He smiled back. I rang up his item, he paid, I put his stuff in his bag, he said thank you, told me to have a good night, walked away, and that was it.

WTF! He didn’t ask for my number again. Why???? :/ <–(Because you told him you had a boyfriend nutcase, lol!)

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It was a busy Saturday afternoon at my job.  I got to work late, I didn’t have time to do my hair nice; I just wasn’t feeling it that day.

I was zoned out, ringing customers up, when I heard a voice say, “Oh, so you go to Georgia State?”

I looked up like “Excuse me..”, and automatically started blushing. It was him again! 🙂

“Yea,” I told him, looking down at the logo on my shirt under my red cardigan, then back up at his handsome face.

I made sure to get a good look at him, and made sure he was going to leave with my number that time; all he had to do was ask! ( I’m traditional when it comes to gender roles.)

He asked for my number, but I had a long line of customers, plus my supervisor was standing right next to me, so I didn’t want to give it to him verbally, and look unprofessional, so I told him to wait for me to finish ringing up the rest of my customers and I’d give it to him.

He was such a sweetheart. He went over to the seating area and sat there while I rang up my long line of customers. When I noticed my line kept getting longer, I quickly scribbled my name and number on a piece of paper, folded it up and told one of my co-workers to give it to him.

She did, he waved, I waved back, and he left. I was in a better mood for the rest of the day.

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I got off and he had already texted me 🙂 That’s what’s up. Guys usually try to wait a few days and what not to look cool. He was very straight forward and wanted to hang out.

I appreciated his straight forwardness, but I automatically started wanting to find the problem with this guy. He was fine, put together, spoke well, was getting ready to graduate from Georgia Tech, had his own place in a nice area, car. “What was wrong with him?” I asked myself.

I immediately started to pull away.

As I stated in the beginning, I had recently just gone through my very FIRST heartbreak, and I wasn’t looking. I was physically, yes, but I didn’t want to get emotionally invested, and I was scared because he was everything I wanted on paper, but he came into my life at an inconvenient time.

I wasn’t mature enough for him back then. I had only seriously dated one guy, since I wasn’t technically allowed to date back in high school. I only knew what one heartbreak felt like, and didn’t even heal yet.

I didn’t have enough experience to differentiate a good man from a bad man or guys’ tactics, all  I knew was that I opened up to one guy, was naive and got played.

I had a doubtful mindset about men in general at that point, so the first time he asked to take me out somewhere, I lied and said I was busy.

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The second time he asked me out, he asked to take me to go get ice cream up the street from my place. I lied again and told him I was busy. It actually kind of turned him on. Men seem to love being ignored.

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The third time, he asked if I wanted to come over to his place after I got off work while it was still light outside. I definitely turned that request down, then felt bad that I kept turning him down to hang out. How were we going to get to know each other? But that was the point. I was scared to get close to another guy.

I text him the following Monday and asked if he could come over to my place after I got out of class. It was extremely rainy that day, but he still came by, and boy were things awkward. I was really cold, and shy. We didn’t really have anything to talk about.

I started thinking to myself, why did I invite a stranger over to my place? Why didn’t i just let him be the man and take me out like he requested. Why couldn’t I just let my wall down and let him show me a good time? I don’t know.

I asked him when his birthday was to try to lighten the mood. Normally if I know someone’s zodiac sign, it helps me relax because I am able to generally analyze a few things about them.

As soon as he told me he was born in early July (I think he said July 8th) I brought up my ex who was born on July 4th, the same year as him too. I told him my ex was also a Cancer, and I jokingly scolded him based on that.

He shortly left, and I thought that was that.

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Surprisingly a few days later he asked if I wanted to go to a social gathering with him. I was happy, because I did like him, and I wanted to apologize for judging him based on my ex. I wanted to apologize for bringing up my ex period. I told him I’d let him know, because I honestly did promise my friend that same night I’d go out with her.

I didn’t end up going out with him, but we texted each other back and forth that night.

After that, he stopped texting me less and less, until I eventually stopped hearing from him.

I honestly didn’t mind at first because of my situation, and he was too good to be a rebound.

Also my ex had just had his baby, I was in the process of really transferring schools due to my financial situation, and I just didn’t really care about much.

I changed my number a few weeks after, because I switched phone companies. I text him my new number, he responded and said he got it, but never used it.

I saw him a few times at my job after we stopped talking, and it was of course awkward. He came to my line one time, but I didn’t speak. I just rang up his stuff up and tended to the next person.

That summer, I moved out of Atlanta because I transferred schools. I thought of him a couple of times after moving. Random, unexpected thoughts because  I couldn’t quite put my finger on what happened. I knew I drove him away a bit, but I guess there was just never an argument or incident that I could think of that would make him stop texting me after working so hard to get my number.

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I moved back to Atlanta a year later, summer 2012. I was friends with him on Facebook. I thought about reconnecting with him, but I forgot I had deleted his number. I soon got involved with someone else.

Last summer (2013) he reached out to me on Facebook with a simple “hey”. I said hey back and that was that.

I had just gone through my second heartbreak. I don’t even know if it was a heartbreak or hell, to be honest. I don’t even know how to define love anymore. Can lust give you a broken heart?

..Tuh, anyway, I thought it was coincidental that every-time I got my heart broken he would pop up, without knowing.

I thought he would sail the conversation, but he left it at hey, and as I said, I’m traditional about gender roles, so I left the conversation as is.

A few months ago, he changed his relationship status to in a relationship. I don’t have a personal Facebook profile anymore, so I’m not sure what he is up to these days, but she’s a lucky girl.

I also noticed she has natural hair. When he approached me I had just gone natural. Also I felt he was more attracted to me when my hair was in it’s natural state, compared to when he saw me with it flat ironed. Normally I get the opposite reaction from men.

So tell me, since you’ve gone natural, has the quality of men that approach you risen a notch? I would love to hear your thoughts.

I’m going to have to take a moderate stance when answering that question. I’ve had guys approach me with my hair in its natural state that turned out to be dogs, but I could see the justification behind that hypothesis when it comes to him.

 

 

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